A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a rolled up magazine.
“What the hell was that for?” he asked.
“That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Mary Lou written on it,” she replied.
“But you don’t understand,” he pleaded. “Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Mary Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on.”
“Oh honey, I’m sorry,” she said. “I should have known there was a good explanation.”
Three days later he was watching a ball game on TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with the iron skillet, which knocked him out cold. When he came to, he asked, “What was that for?” he begged.
“Your horse just called!”
“What the hell was that for?” he asked.
“That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Mary Lou written on it,” she replied.
“But you don’t understand,” he pleaded. “Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Mary Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on.”
“Oh honey, I’m sorry,” she said. “I should have known there was a good explanation.”
Three days later he was watching a ball game on TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with the iron skillet, which knocked him out cold. When he came to, he asked, “What was that for?” he begged.
“Your horse just called!”
2.
A man walks up to a woman and asks, “Would you sleep with me for $1,000,000?”
She quickly replies, “Yes.”
So then he asks, “Would you sleep with me for $20?”
Astounded by the question she says, “Of course not. What kind of woman do you think I am?”
He says, “Well we’ve already determined that. Now I’m just working on the price.”
She quickly replies, “Yes.”
So then he asks, “Would you sleep with me for $20?”
Astounded by the question she says, “Of course not. What kind of woman do you think I am?”
He says, “Well we’ve already determined that. Now I’m just working on the price.”
3.
A 60-year-old man is getting his annual physical.
“Doc, do you think I’ll live another 40 years so I can reach 100?” he asks.
“That depends,” says the doctor. “Do you smoke?”
“No.”
“Do you drink?”
“No.”
“Do you fool around with loose women?”
“Of course not.”
“Well, then,” says the doctor. “Why the hell do you want to live for another 40 years?”
“Doc, do you think I’ll live another 40 years so I can reach 100?” he asks.
“That depends,” says the doctor. “Do you smoke?”
“No.”
“Do you drink?”
“No.”
“Do you fool around with loose women?”
“Of course not.”
“Well, then,” says the doctor. “Why the hell do you want to live for another 40 years?”
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